La fenêtre d'Alva: 01.2012

Sunday, January 29, 2012

anniversary

an·ni·ver·sa·ry [an-uh-vur-suh-ree] noun, plural –ries

1. the yearly recurrence of the date of a past event: the first anniversary of their marriage; the sixteenth anniversary of their relation.

2. the celebration or commemoration of such a date.

§ elaborating 1 and 2:

§1. The recurrence of the date:

i.e. an anniversary is the human way to keep track of our events through time. Specifying how many hours, days, months separate us from the birth of an experience, from the birth of a memory.

such a lie………..

such a poor attempt of people to put life in boxes, so as to get a once again a [false] feeling of controlling life.

Anniversaries are false, cause we cannot set time.

One minute could be a week and one year could be a day.

Time is how we feel the events, experiences and memories we get throughout our existence, and no numerical value can denote this.

A kiss I remember lasts 20-days in my head. Sometimes it lasts 40.

A year I recall lasts 17 seconds.

A month I recall lasted 10 months.

A dinner conversation I had, am sure it lasted 3 months.

And a dance I had once lasted 4 days.

My childhood lasted 9 years.

School 90 days.

University 9 months.

He last 79 years. First came the first 14. Then I recall a 2-month time. Then came 24 years, and then another 37. He lasts more than 79 come to think of it…

...apparently, in human scale, I would have to have 79 anniversaries with you….

Wow… we really need to catch up on our anniversary dinners !

§2. The celebration !

What are we celebrating? The past event itself? And why? It’s in the past and it is over!

The outcome of the event?

How our life has been affected after and because of such an event?

Yey… I’ll stand by this…

I love anniversaries…

Not so that I recall the event itself, but I really really indulge in remembering and reliving all the effects that this event has made in my life. All the feelings I’ve had since, and the times I’ve re-approved or re-disapproved the event.

Anniversaries are my pause button in a stormy life to just “stay” and take a minute to say to you and to him how nice it’s been. And talk and talk and talk about all the mixed memories that I keep.

It’s like making time (human time) to listen to a mixtape of memories. And I love mixtapes so much (yes, i'm old-school...) so how can I not love memory-mixtapes ?

Για εσένα, για την baby-bathing mixtape σου:

Saturday, January 21, 2012

mistakes

mis·take [mi-steyk] ~noun

#1. an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by:

§ poor reasoning

§ carelessness

§ insufficient knowledge

§ etc.

#2. a misunderstanding or misconception.

(I don't really buy the #2... If it is a misunderstanding or a misconception, then it is not a mistake! It is what it says it is; a misunderstanding or a misconception !)

So, according to the literal meaning that #1 offers, you have 3 reasons to make a mistake, and one "etc." to include ALL the other reasons. Poor reasoning, carelessness, and insufficient knowledge justify making a mistake. A mistake. Once.

So why are we repeating our mistakes?

the "etc." reason justifies this, cause "etc." may include being spoiled, and narrow-minded in a way that it makes us look cute, free-spirited (???) and unique to ourselves...

Another reason is boredom.

Boredom to think things through.

Shame, cause one boredom to think mistake influences your character, your personality, and your life then on...

Milan Kundera's "The Joke" is about a joke, becoming a mistake, and ruining one's life.

Kundera never makes excuses for anything, let alone for a mistake. I will use his words for "shame", as if it was for "mistake" because of the correlation I find in the two:

"The basis of shame is not some personal mistake of ours, but the ignominy, the humiliation we feel that we must be what we are without any choice in the matter, and that this humiliation is seen by everyone."

and to this I want to replace "by everyone" with "by ourselves" cause this is even worse.

in a song :

Eleanor's mistake is not the mistake itself rather than her approach to her mistake.
In her own clear flat voice:

"I thought I'd learned from my mistakes,

I thought he'd learned from my mistakes,

I thought you'd give me the right advice"

Not only some make mistakes in order to make themselves get an experience or learn a lesson, but also for other to learn from it.

Is communication so bad nowadays that we reach to the point where a mistake makes a better point about ourselves that ourself?

in another song :

I love Miss Apple more than Eleanor and her

"I'm gonna fuck it up again

I'm gonna do another detour

Unpave my path

And if you wanna make sense

Whatcha looking at me for

I'm no good at math"

makes me want to like making mistakes...

Still... as alluring as this is, I still don't like mistakes.

I think I make may mistakes on account to my boredom to be right at some point and vanity reasons at others. I don't want to be less-right, or vain at any point so I reject mistakes. All sorts of.

Ok, apart from one :

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

flying

i need to fly today...

today of all days I feel feather sandals are tied to my ankles

... and warm air breezes into my summerdress,

behind my knee...

between my fingers...

over my eyelashes.........

through my hair...

i wear a summerdress in my fantasy & am barefoot and the weather is sweet & warm like the steam that comes out of a just-cut-in-half brioche...

why fly ?

Douglas Adams. He gives me my answer in (of course) the Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy (or as most of us would agree; "always know where your towel is"), through his stance on the ability to fly.

In his words:

"The knack of flying lies in learning how to throw yourself to the ground and miss.
Pick a nice day, and try it!
The first part is easy. All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and the willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground.
Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard."

what I get out of it, is that flying is what happens when you miss the ground!

the ground can be anything... the norm, the regular, the plain, the compromising, the so-below-your-abilities-and-expectations-of-yourself...

so i decide to fly...

I like to think this is not a decision, but a situation!

something myself has set out for me and "failing to miss the ground" is not an option. shouldn't and needn't so definately must get rid of anything that might weight me down.

so I'll smell the loveliest flowers i can find today,

on this cold winter day,

and feel some warm breeze

around myself,

through my heart,

and under my wings!

and yes, of course have some tea while at it...

and only learn from the best...

beloved miss poppins..... who to show us best the art of never hitting ground & always keeping a true smile !

and remember the poem i've carried with me since i was 14...

Apollo stood on the high cliff

'Come to the edge...' he said

'It's too high...' they said

'Come to the edge...' he said

'We'll fall...' they said

'Come to the edge...' he said

And they did...

And he pushed them...

And they flew."

Christopher Logue - 1961

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Hopscotch Teardrop

.....I've got a hopscotch teardrop ready to drop.....

Rosie & Coco never stop to remind me to be playful, as in playing hopscotch... Or maybe dancing around to saloon-like piano music & dancing around in unwashed long hair & long satin dresses...

BUT ALSO!

a teardrop is always ready to drop from being

sad, happy, injustified, fortunate, overwhelmed, complete..

* a real teardrop

It can be of 3 types:

(1) b a s e l teardrop : simply cleansing & lubricating the eye to remove dust

(2) r e f l e x teardrop : i told you these onions irritate my eye...

(3) p h y s i c teardrop : ahh..... good ol' crying... brought be emotions...

The really really interesting detail of emotional teardrops is the different chemical make-up that these tears carry compare to the other 2... They contain leucine enkephalin, which is a natural painkiller...

very touching isn't it? That our own body takes as much good care of us as a dear mother would, and even provides a soother for the emotionally fortified moments...

makes you love one's self, doesn't it ?.....

And really really interesting detail #2:

Emotional tears from w o m e n have been found to reduce sexual arousal in men !

The reason lies behind the emotional teardrop chemicals once again, which drop testosterone, in the attempt to reduce aggression! oh, and sex drive for what it's worth...

So, a woman's teardrops are indeed, a weapon of hers...

* an art teardrop

so intensely intimate & familiar man ray's teardop is, looking at it...

Have spend long long minutes staring at it over the years, trying to figure her & her glass teardrops out... Her eyes with the mascara-encrusted lashes invoke wonder at the cause of her distress...

yet again, her teardrops are made of glass. made.

could it be it? the distress that ones feels by one's teardrops, even if they are fake?

are teardrops a message we want to pass on about ourselves, even if it is not genuinely & instinctively produced?

Tears might as well be similar to black sunglasses over one's eyes on a bad day. Can't bother to cry, but use a pair of black sunglasses to denote that she might as well could be crying.

* a sexy teardrop

bad film, but sexy-as-always johnny depp as a cry baby...